The Book Of Crook

New tunes

2009-04-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

Cubes + Cliff Richard / Harrison Ford are up on our player now!!! JAM YOUR HYPE BITCH!!

Some Tough Decisions I Had To Make Today

2009-02-26T15:45:00.000-08:00

1. should I get out of bed now at 1pm?
2. "Breakfast" or more sleep?
3. walk the dog or just lie about it?
4. wash or extra lynx?
5. Beans on toast or cheese cake for lunch?
6. go into work on time?
7. go to work?
8. watch another episode of Red Dwarf?
9. do I really want an NBA jumper?
10. a single Kit Kat or a multi pack?
11. should i put on socks to go to the shop? will anyone notice?
12. walk to work or bus....or more sleep?
13. Do I fancy Lady Ga Ga?
14. do something productive with my day?

Today I achieved nothing....

What I Heard Today....

2009-02-19T11:29:00.000-08:00

My god the new U2 song is shite! don't get me wrong, I've hated U2 for years, but compared to all their other shit singles this is the worst. didn't anyone in the studio think that this was awful? it rips of radiohead half way through then he starts singing similar to Shaun Ryder of the Happy Mondays at the end......were they high? of course not. threes no excuse.

Dear Bono, Please Stop.

Whats Nice

2009-02-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

This is funny

This is a tune

this is The Maccabees

????

2009-02-18T12:14:00.000-08:00

www.myspace.com/santahaminafiredept

Tonight Franz Ferdinand review

2009-02-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

Ulysses
At first I really wasn't sure, took at least 4 listens to crack it (last one being at Koko). its strange, the verses are far to slow to dance to, but as soon as the chorus kicks in all hell breaks loose. a perfect way to acclimatise us to the new synths that now occupy the world of FF.
4.5/5

Turn It On
Good bass line, but that's about it. The chorus has a hint of early 00's garage rock (Datsuns, The D4 etc). it's OK but wouldn't of made it onto the first two albums.
3/5

No You Girls
I think this is the one they wanted to work with the girls aloud producer (you could see Girls Aloud or sugababes singing this). the chorus is quite good, it's a big catchy sing along with hand claps galore. to me it seems that Franz have fallen in love with really demonic middle eights, they seem to be on every track! a bit too over produced but better than the last track.
3.5/5

Send Him Away
I hate this one. Alex claims its his favorite track. its terrible....a kind of FF waltz. it wouldn't even have been a b side in the early days.
1/5

Twilight Omens
the first track to really go full synth. the keyboards make me think of Christmas on this one. guitars strutting and pounding bass make for quite a sexy chorus. haven't a fucking clue what their singing about though.
4/5

Bite Hard
one of my faves. glam rock with an intro that's alarmingly reminiscent to "Jacqueline". a good fun pop song which i think will be their next single. Alex and nick showing a kind of Docherty/Barratt friendship, "WE RIDE TOGETHER!!! WE DIE TOGETHER!!". once again the keyboard is the center piece with a riff that you can't help but pogo to.
4.5/5

What She Came For
probably my favorite, this song is the shit. a proper dance song that you'd expect from FF. a chorus that will set the festivals alight and a batshit crazy ending. previously i had felt a bit sorry for the drummer Paul Thomson, he hasn't had a chance to just let loose a really drum. well from about 3Mins in that changes and he beats the fuck out his kit. its wicked, it really is.....they even turn the guitars up to 11 to catch you off guard.
5/5

Live Alone
after the previous track most songs would sound weak in comparison, and unfortunately Live Alone does. instantly forgettable and skipable. once again a good bass line is on show but not much else. good but not great
3/5

Can't Stop Feeling
Definitely a future single/classic. a deep synth bass riff kicks the track off, followed by the best bass riff on the album. catchy as hell you will be dancing to this in the summer. unfortunately another annoying middle eight is present so i cant give it any higher than a 4..
4/5

Lucid Dreams
Lucid Dreams has had a bit of a make over since it initial release in 08. its now 8mins long, has a new chorus and a new direction. obviously tweaked to fit in with the new sound the 09 version now has more effected vocals and a slower tempo. its clever and works quite well in context with the rest of the album. half way though it moves into prog territory with an endless jam/solo (its really too loose to be labelled a solo) then moves into electro. close your eyes you could be listening to Justice, its unexpected and brilliant at the same time. this really should be the last track on "tonight" but its not.
4.5/5

the last two tracks are Dream Again & Katherine Kiss Me. there both acoustic ballads that really shouldn't be on the album. they don't fit....i haven't really listened to them so I can't really grade them. Katherine Kiss Me is an early version of Oh You Girls which to me says they were just throwing anything on the end just to make the album longer. I'd rather have the album finish on Lucid Dreams but that's just me.

Final verdict
Its the shit.

Bye
Tom

JUST DAYANCE

2009-02-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

sup blog fans, it's snowing like crazy outside! but i don't wanna build a snowman....or have a snow fight, i just wanna drink tea. I'm hardcore like that.......

We're currently working on new tunes and a reworking on an old at the moment. i wont tell you what song we're over hauling but I'll give you tjhe initials, SOS. we're also gonna be doing some more demos soon, we promised to have megatron recorded by now but that has yet to happen. hopefully they'll be done april time. new songs are sounding good if i dont say so myself, one is glam, one is dance and I'm undertaking the mammoth task of writing a tune that is 8mins long..... trust me. we're looking at some cool studios to do a follow up to conrad as well. we may be touring in April so keep your eyes pealed.

Unrelated news
If i see another advert for that fucking tom cruse war film i will kill someone......

This is a tune,

This is funny

This is wank,

Bye,
Tom

WE'RE BACK..

2008-12-29T10:39:00.000-08:00

...in the new year.

Garys foot is not fucked anymore! here's are the first of many dates we're playing in 09

21 Jan 2009 21:15
Fiddler’s Elbow, London - Camden
7 Feb 2009 22:45
The Fly, London

God i've missed gigging, would be nice to see some friendly faces at our first gig back.

Much love to everyone,
Tom

P.S.
there will be a star wars musical comming to the o2!!!
here's the deets http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmluZGllbG9uZG9uLmNvLnVrL1RoZWF0cmUtUmV2aWV3L3N0YXItd2Fycy1tdXNpY2FsLXNwZWN0YWN1bGFyLWJvdW5kLWZvci1vMi1hcmVuYQ==

(he dies at the end...)

What i've been listening to lately....

2008-12-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

Pointless blog I know.....sorry

The Futureheads - I Wouldn't Be Like This If You Were Here
My humble opinion: Its hard, its fast, its catchy, its vintage Futureheads....

The Cool Kids - Delivery Man
My humble opinion: never before has a band name been so fitting. This vid makes me wanna watch fresh prince all day.....

Bromheads Jacket - Turn Me Om
My humble opinion: the new BJ album is just brilliant. jam packed full of harsh, lyrically strong indie/punk tracks. as with their debut there are some lighter moments, maybe more in fact. This is in the latter category and one of my highlights.....

Friendly Fires - Paris
My humble opinion: this album is just so good, i played it to someone at work and she said it sounded like she was in space....how cool is that? i didn't want to put up Paris, i wanted to put up a tune called skeleton boy but its not on youtube. oh well

That's all for today kiddies, hopefully we'll have some new choons for you soon, I'm writing daggers at the moment.

Ta ta much love,
Tom

Its so quiet...

2008-11-26T08:48:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking to myself that I can't keep sitting on this computer.. drinking Gaymers Cider and playing World Of Warcraft all day long (I'm a Level 25 Rogue Human with blacksmith and first aid skills by the way) so I'd thought I would vent...!

Now that I think about it.. there is nothing to vent about... but thats the problem..

Believe it or not I hate sitting in my underpants eating pizza.. normally at this time I'd be getting ready for a gig.. May have been in some doss-hole in Lewisham or the back room of a pub in Bethnal Green but still.. it was a gig.. something to go and get pissed at and have a laugh. No ones fault I know (only Gary could break his foot making a basic 5 yard pass with no opposition around!) 2009 seems such a long way off but hopefully now our manager, Matt The Hat Hatred as he is so affectionally known, will give the 4 of us the kick up the arse we have been needing for the past year or so. I cannot stay at that wretched Super Market for another year and keep telling everyone 'oh yes.. I'm in a band really.. We're just waiting for the record deal.. ha ha' my co-workers laugh, the manager laughs, the retarded bloke who gets the trollies laugh and I die a little inside...

End on a positive - found out today that Santa Hamina Fire Dept have been on myspace since Feb! Been searching for them for a while now (its the offspring of Tom and Gary - would reccomend them)

Well thats done - I'm off to slay Gnolls at Deepwater Mine...

Leedsy

Fuck Me.....

2008-11-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

.....This is good

Break yourself,
Tom X

I had a thought today

2008-11-18T10:23:00.000-08:00

Russell Brand hosted the MTV awards for some bollocks earlier in the year. In the ads he was trying to chat up Britney Spears. A couple of months later she releases a song called "Womaniser". That was my thought....Take that Thomas Edison.

Management

2008-11-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

We now have management! For all things Retro contact
Matthew de Graft-Hayford @ matthewhayford@googlemail.com

New retro crook direction?

2008-11-08T04:21:00.000-08:00

no, but its still a tune. worthy of posting in my opinion.

Nice,
Tom

The blog where Chandler gets married

2008-11-08T04:10:00.001-08:00

Morning peeps, I've only had 4 hours sleep..........Blog Time!

I might as well tell you about whats been happening regarding Gary's broken foot. We can't gig or do anything band related till the new year. Gigs, recording, nothing. to be honest though i think this will be good for us. we've been experimenting with different songs styles lately and i wanna explore and move more in that direction, but still continue with a more traditional Crook Sound. I wont tell you what it is but I'll tell you it involves one of these.

That's a sampler.

I've decided to swear less in these blogs, I swore seven times last blog.

Fuck off now,
Tom

Blog time

2008-11-04T13:18:00.000-08:00

I want to apologise. I've been getting lazy at blogging. I thought this will be easy. i was gonna write some crap earlier in the week but i didn't, its been a frustrating week. Only for me though....only for me.

so what should i talk about, not much has been going on in my life. in fact fuck all has happened in my mundane excuse for an existence. Last Thursday was All Teeth's Halloween night......i'm going to sneeze.......yep.............finished....me, Gary and our good friend Karri went down to party like its was 1999 (should really stop listening to prince), it was a strange night. the bands where shall i say eclectic lol, Hotpoints being Plastic Passion and ze GB boys. when all bands finished a string of old skool classics belted out the speakers, 1999 turned quickly to 1939! these was elderly skool. "do you love me", "the twist", "tutti fruity", "rock around the clock", some serious tunage! it was a brilliant way to end a completely surreal night. we had to get a cab home with face paint on, we don't fuck about.

Gary looks like a twat in picture lol. no one smiles with face paint on, its rule 1. Gary News: the knob head has some how broke his foot yesterday playing football. I'm not sure how this works now. For those who don't know Gary is Retro Crooks' drummer, ideally he needs all limbs in working order.....drummers are funny like that. i cant tell you if we're gigging or recording yet cos i just don't know.

Other news, just checked the NME cool list and found out that number 1 is the girl from Crystal Castles. Who the fuck is she and why should i care? she is not cool, her music isn't cool. is it cool not to be cool now? if so she deserves it.....in fact fuck that I deserve it (see above pic).

I have nothing more to say except that I've given up on the metallica album. Its too fucking long and after a while songs sound the same. it's still good though. I cant stop watching Fonejacker.......

If I wake up and find Obama is not president i shall be annoyed......

Til next time tossers,
Tom xXx

New music video + Recording news

2008-10-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

we are slowly taking over youtube one vid at a time, there's a new video for our track Duckula. directed by a budding young directer called Sean Keane its seriously worth checking out.

we are heading into the studio to do some new recordings soon. once again we're teaming up with Conrad Dangerfield producer Ian Dowling, to record our double A side single. more details will be up soon

Tom

A blog from Leedsy... Thats Not My Name

2008-10-09T14:07:00.001-07:00

See what I did there... I used Leedsy.. people still call me Danny!
When I roll with the Retro's i'm not the mild mannered blue eyed boy from next door.. I'm an anti social anarchistic bastard.. I'm like Slash, Edge or Flea.. in a few years you'll have to google my stage name and try to find out why exactly I go by this alias!

Yeah...

In case you hav'nt figured it out by now im speaking ironically and have nothing but good things to say about my real first and second names.

Millett spoke to me ages ago about writing a 'blog' about the band.. and I excitedly agreed and was eager to sit down and type out my most inner and deepest thoughts to an audience of about 6 people.. 2 months later and here it is...

I like Super Noodles... but not Pot Noodles...

That is all..

Actual News #2

2008-09-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

Some Gig Dates For you.....

2 Oct 2008 - The Cauliflower Music Venue - Ilford
10 Oct 2008 - Clubquattroz - Harlow
19 Oct 2008 - HMV Showcase @ Bar Form - Enfield
6 Nov 2008 - Unity @ The Solstice - Peterborough
12 Nov 2008 - Clubfabulous @ THE FIDDLERS ELBOW - Camden
28 Nov 2008 - Monto Water Rats - Kings Cross, London

More TBA

Dear Liam Gallagher

2008-09-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Liam Gallagher,
I was listening to your song "I'm outta time" today. its a very catchy song and I've had it on non stop repeat since i first heard it. i love the short John Lennon quote near the end. all in all a brilliant Oasis song. But this one question has been circling my mind and its been bothering me for the last 3 minutes. How the fuck did it take you 9 years to write this song?...... seriously its only 4 Min's long. its just one verse, two chorus' and an outro. For 3285 days of work i would of at least expected it to be around the 30min mark.

Anyway I'm nitpicking, its still a better song than noels "shock of the lightning".
To be honest I may write a song about my idol....I'm sure you'll all be glad to hear it in 2017.

Keep up the good work,
Tom

Angry rant about Enfield

2008-09-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

On Thursday we played a gig in our home town. we don't do many gigs in Enfield so this was gonna be a laugh. Got in the pub, nice stage, nice lights.....all looked good. a brief sound check of some new material from me and Gary (we was just messing around pissing off the locals playing some metal) and we was good to go. all bands play their sets and its our time.

We was immediately told to turn ourselves down, which made no sense as we was using the same amps as the bands before and hadn't changed the settings, but we turned down anyway. People clapped and generally looked like they weren't listening. We played five songs and the power was pulled and we had to pack up, "no more" the landlord said. We had to shout to the crowd we was done, which to those who paid a fiver to see us play was quite strange not to mention unfair. Why the fuck do people waste our time like this? You cant hold a gig and not expect us to be loud. **Note to promoters; We're Fucking loud**
The worst thing was we brought the drum kit, the biggest instrument the band and didn't really get to play it.

Normally this wouldn't bother me, every band has shit gigs.....but this has happened so many times in our area its just not funny. its happened to us three times, its happened again at two other gigs I've attended......its just bollocks. All people in Enfield want is cabaret music, karaoke and wank cover bands who you can't really hear cos the neighbours will complain. a place for balding old men to sing badly without the fear of hearing something new. There's no place for original bands to play.

Hertford has an amazing venue in the form of the Hertford Marque, its a brilliant place. Young bands can play and touring bands now often play as well. why cant we have somewhere? it really does annoy me.

We've all made the decision that is just pointless playing here, except bar form.....there cool at bar form. no more enfield gigs.....

In this pub their was a copy of a Monet on the wall (something like the pic above). Blue tacked over the print was a poster advertising a two for one beer offer........In a way it summed up enfield quite nice....

Tom x

Something funny

2008-09-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

I like this.....

Tom

Southsea Fest

2008-09-18T05:18:00.002-07:00

It's time I tell you about the alcohol fuelled southsea fest, which we played last weekend. We played at the Edge of the wedge at about 3:30, twas a nice venue, had a front room feel to it which was nice. Due to lack of drum kit we had to trim our set back by a few songs, which was a shame but gave us a bit more time to piss around in between songs. The band that was supposed to play after us where running late so we had to drop some more classics, we all tuned down to D and began one of our fast becoming fan favorites, Megatron. People keep asking us to record this, don't worry it'll be demo'd probably in the new year.

After the gig we packed up, headed of the the hotel, dropped equipment off then headed back out to the gigs (we don't mess around!). There was only two bands I really wanted to see, The strange death of liberal England and The Thirst. After a quick curry we headed of the wedgewood rooms. two warm pints later Strange death began. Long story short, didn't like them. While all of this was happening we was hanging out with Ash.

This was ash, he was showing us many of the delights of Pompy. We enjoyed many beverages with him, maybe too many.....lol

We all headed next door to see My aunt Sam and the thirst back in ze edge of the wedge. by now the venue was packed, the Liverpool boys where wowing the crowd, and i was queing for some more warm beer. I've only seen mas twice but both times I've been impressed, they got some good tunes and they play them with a shit load of energy. It was time for the thirst. I first heard of these boys when the Ginger bread men played with them. since then they've signed Ronny woods label and released an album. As soon as they started playing bodies started moving, singalongs erupted and i tried some skanking to their reggae tinged rhythms. By the end of the set there wasn't a dry shirt in the house, sweat and booze everywhere.

The night carried on, with more drinking with my aunt sam and our press agent Lloyd. It got seriously messy, i mean really messy. Apple sours, Jagermaister, Coors, Newcastle Brown.....all where drank, then thrown up at the end of the night. Like all good nights this one ends in a Kebab shop, with the shitest Chips in Pitta I've ever had.

All in all a good Weekend,
I'd Like To thank Lloyd, The Good Blades Team, My Aunt Sam, Ash and anyone else we met in Pompy.....it was a pleasure drinking with you, we shall be back.

Much Love,
Tom

Enfield gig anounced

2008-09-18T05:18:00.001-07:00

We're playing an old skool style gig at the hollybush on the 25th sept. we hav'nt played there in a loooong time......should be a laugh though.

I am coming down with a bit of tonselitis so my vocals are probally gonna be shite. i'll try my best (it hurts when I swallow*.....)

Bye,
Tom

*dont be filthy

2008-09-18T05:18:00.000-07:00

Actual News #1

2008-09-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

Our single, Conrad Dangerfield is out now!

Available digitally from iTunes, Napster, eMusic, Tunetribe, Juno, HMV and Playlouder.

Our CD is availiable from
Rough Trade - truman brewery, BRICK LANE or 130 talbot rd in NOTTING HILL
NORMAN RECORDS - Leeds
Banquet Records (formerly Beggars Banquet) - 52 Eden Street, Kingston upon Thames, Surrey, KT1 1EE
RESIDENT -28 Kensington Gardens, BRIGHTON

You can order the CD NOW! from Rough Trade.

Description:
Retro Crooks are a four piece band from Enfield, North London. The combination of urgent guitars and fast paced lyrics create the bands distinctive sound. Self released, Conrad Dangerfield is the debut single from the Enfield based quartet. Set in two time signatures Conrad begins unlike how it ends. Jangly guitars and twisted drumming set the backdrop, while lyrically telling a tale of confusion. As the opening lyric states 'Here we are....

All the best,
Retro Crooks

Hello blog world thing

2008-09-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is the new blog from Retro Crooks. Created to keep you up to date of what poppin in our little world. it'll contain info on gigs, recordings and anything else that amuses us during the week. its gonna be spellchecks nightmare.....

I'll start by plugging the festival we're ruining tomorrow!

Southsea Fest is the crooks first fest as a band and we're excited as fuck. we're playing at the Edge of the Wedge @ about 3:30, we was on at 12 but we sucked some major dick (well Lloyd did) and low and behold we got want we want, Theres a lesson to be learnt there girls......

In non band related news i bought two new albums today. Thomas Tantrum's "Thomas Tantrum" (I do hate self titled records).

and Metallica's "Death Magnetic". The counter clerk gave me a funny look when she saw both my choices....

I was gonna buy Be Kind Rewind but i could'nt afford it.... :s

Tantrum's album is lovely, just sweet pop songs sung with a voice I want to bone. So far favorite tracks are the singles plus "what what what " and "rage against the tantrum". I will be seeing these guys sometime soon.

Metallica on the other hand is fucking brutal! they've thrown out the shit that was st anger and gone back 20 years to classic "talica"* territory. every song is over 5 mins long, in fact there is only one song below 6 mins. the first three songs combined are longer than the first futureheads album. this is good and bad......You have no idea whats going on, "is that a chorus?", theres no stucture to the songs because every song has about seven riffs.............but.............................the riffs...................oh the riffs, this is a headbangers wet dream. i'm gonna need a months worth of listens just to get to track 6.

Much love,

Tom (Tantrum)