Actual News #2

Some Gig Dates For you.....

2 Oct 2008 - The Cauliflower Music Venue - Ilford
10 Oct 2008 - Clubquattroz - Harlow
19 Oct 2008 - HMV Showcase @ Bar Form - Enfield
6 Nov 2008 - Unity @ The Solstice - Peterborough
12 Nov 2008 - Clubfabulous @ THE FIDDLERS ELBOW - Camden
28 Nov 2008 - Monto Water Rats - Kings Cross, London

More TBA

Dear Liam Gallagher

Dear Liam Gallagher,
I was listening to your song "I'm outta time" today. its a very catchy song and I've had it on non stop repeat since i first heard it. i love the short John Lennon quote near the end. all in all a brilliant Oasis song. But this one question has been circling my mind and its been bothering me for the last 3 minutes. How the fuck did it take you 9 years to write this song?...... seriously its only 4 Min's long. its just one verse, two chorus' and an outro. For 3285 days of work i would of at least expected it to be around the 30min mark.



Anyway I'm nitpicking, its still a better song than noels "shock of the lightning".
To be honest I may write a song about my idol....I'm sure you'll all be glad to hear it in 2017.

Keep up the good work,
Tom

Angry rant about Enfield

On Thursday we played a gig in our home town. we don't do many gigs in Enfield so this was gonna be a laugh. Got in the pub, nice stage, nice lights.....all looked good. a brief sound check of some new material from me and Gary (we was just messing around pissing off the locals playing some metal) and we was good to go. all bands play their sets and its our time.

We was immediately told to turn ourselves down, which made no sense as we was using the same amps as the bands before and hadn't changed the settings, but we turned down anyway. People clapped and generally looked like they weren't listening. We played five songs and the power was pulled and we had to pack up, "no more" the landlord said. We had to shout to the crowd we was done, which to those who paid a fiver to see us play was quite strange not to mention unfair. Why the fuck do people waste our time like this? You cant hold a gig and not expect us to be loud. **Note to promoters; We're Fucking loud**
The worst thing was we brought the drum kit, the biggest instrument the band and didn't really get to play it.



Normally this wouldn't bother me, every band has shit gigs.....but this has happened so many times in our area its just not funny. its happened to us three times, its happened again at two other gigs I've attended......its just bollocks. All people in Enfield want is cabaret music, karaoke and wank cover bands who you can't really hear cos the neighbours will complain. a place for balding old men to sing badly without the fear of hearing something new. There's no place for original bands to play.

Hertford has an amazing venue in the form of the Hertford Marque, its a brilliant place. Young bands can play and touring bands now often play as well. why cant we have somewhere? it really does annoy me.

We've all made the decision that is just pointless playing here, except bar form.....there cool at bar form. no more enfield gigs.....


In this pub their was a copy of a Monet on the wall (something like the pic above). Blue tacked over the print was a poster advertising a two for one beer offer........In a way it summed up enfield quite nice....

Tom x

Something funny

I like this.....


Tom

Southsea Fest

It's time I tell you about the alcohol fuelled southsea fest, which we played last weekend. We played at the Edge of the wedge at about 3:30, twas a nice venue, had a front room feel to it which was nice. Due to lack of drum kit we had to trim our set back by a few songs, which was a shame but gave us a bit more time to piss around in between songs. The band that was supposed to play after us where running late so we had to drop some more classics, we all tuned down to D and began one of our fast becoming fan favorites, Megatron. People keep asking us to record this, don't worry it'll be demo'd probably in the new year.

After the gig we packed up, headed of the the hotel, dropped equipment off then headed back out to the gigs (we don't mess around!). There was only two bands I really wanted to see, The strange death of liberal England and The Thirst. After a quick curry we headed of the wedgewood rooms. two warm pints later Strange death began. Long story short, didn't like them. While all of this was happening we was hanging out with Ash.

This was ash, he was showing us many of the delights of Pompy. We enjoyed many beverages with him, maybe too many.....lol

We all headed next door to see My aunt Sam and the thirst back in ze edge of the wedge. by now the venue was packed, the Liverpool boys where wowing the crowd, and i was queing for some more warm beer. I've only seen mas twice but both times I've been impressed, they got some good tunes and they play them with a shit load of energy. It was time for the thirst. I first heard of these boys when the Ginger bread men played with them. since then they've signed Ronny woods label and released an album. As soon as they started playing bodies started moving, singalongs erupted and i tried some skanking to their reggae tinged rhythms. By the end of the set there wasn't a dry shirt in the house, sweat and booze everywhere.

The night carried on, with more drinking with my aunt sam and our press agent Lloyd. It got seriously messy, i mean really messy. Apple sours, Jagermaister, Coors, Newcastle Brown.....all where drank, then thrown up at the end of the night. Like all good nights this one ends in a Kebab shop, with the shitest Chips in Pitta I've ever had.

All in all a good Weekend,
I'd Like To thank Lloyd, The Good Blades Team, My Aunt Sam, Ash and anyone else we met in Pompy.....it was a pleasure drinking with you, we shall be back.

Much Love,
Tom

Enfield gig anounced

We're playing an old skool style gig at the hollybush on the 25th sept. we hav'nt played there in a loooong time......should be a laugh though.

I am coming down with a bit of tonselitis so my vocals are probally gonna be shite. i'll try my best (it hurts when I swallow*.....)

Bye,
Tom







*dont be filthy

Actual News #1

Our single, Conrad Dangerfield is out now!



Available digitally from iTunes, Napster, eMusic, Tunetribe, Juno, HMV and Playlouder.


Our CD is availiable from
Rough Trade - truman brewery, BRICK LANE or 130 talbot rd in NOTTING HILL
NORMAN RECORDS - Leeds
Banquet Records (formerly Beggars Banquet) - 52 Eden Street, Kingston upon Thames, Surrey, KT1 1EE
RESIDENT -28 Kensington Gardens, BRIGHTON

You can order the CD NOW! from Rough Trade.


Description:
Retro Crooks are a four piece band from Enfield, North London. The combination of urgent guitars and fast paced lyrics create the bands distinctive sound. Self released, Conrad Dangerfield is the debut single from the Enfield based quartet. Set in two time signatures Conrad begins unlike how it ends. Jangly guitars and twisted drumming set the backdrop, while lyrically telling a tale of confusion. As the opening lyric states 'Here we are....

All the best,
Retro Crooks

Hello blog world thing

This is the new blog from Retro Crooks. Created to keep you up to date of what poppin in our little world. it'll contain info on gigs, recordings and anything else that amuses us during the week. its gonna be spellchecks nightmare.....

I'll start by plugging the festival we're ruining tomorrow!

Southsea Fest is the crooks first fest as a band and we're excited as fuck. we're playing at the Edge of the Wedge @ about 3:30, we was on at 12 but we sucked some major dick (well Lloyd did) and low and behold we got want we want, Theres a lesson to be learnt there girls......

In non band related news i bought two new albums today. Thomas Tantrum's "Thomas Tantrum" (I do hate self titled records).

and Metallica's "Death Magnetic". The counter clerk gave me a funny look when she saw both my choices....


I was gonna buy Be Kind Rewind but i could'nt afford it.... :s

Tantrum's album is lovely, just sweet pop songs sung with a voice I want to bone. So far favorite tracks are the singles plus "what what what " and "rage against the tantrum". I will be seeing these guys sometime soon.

Metallica on the other hand is fucking brutal! they've thrown out the shit that was st anger and gone back 20 years to classic "talica"* territory. every song is over 5 mins long, in fact there is only one song below 6 mins. the first three songs combined are longer than the first futureheads album. this is good and bad......You have no idea whats going on, "is that a chorus?", theres no stucture to the songs because every song has about seven riffs.............but.............................the riffs...................oh the riffs, this is a headbangers wet dream. i'm gonna need a months worth of listens just to get to track 6.

Much love,

Tom (Tantrum)